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Going to HR feels like a big move. There’s the fear of being labeled a troublemaker, the worry that nothing will actually change, and the very real concern that the colleague in question will somehow find out it was you. So most people do nothing. They absorb the frustration, cover for the mistakes, and quietly seethe while their own work suffers.
HR exists precisely for situations like this. Flagging a colleague’s behavior is advocating for a functional, fair workplace, and doing it well is a skill worth having.
Here’s how to walk into that conversation prepared, professional, and protected.
Before you say anything, document everything
Before you go to HR, get your receipts together. Specific, documented patterns are what move the needle: dates, names, and the impact on the work.
HR runs a formal process, and the more concrete information you bring, the more seriously you’ll be taken and the more effectively they can act.
1. When a colleague’s incompetence is affecting your work
This is about performance, not personality, so keep it focused on outcomes and impact.
Say this: “I wanted to flag something that’s been affecting my ability to deliver on my own responsibilities. On [date], [specific thing happened], and as a result, [specific impact on work or team]. This has happened a few times now, and I wanted to bring it to your attention before it becomes a bigger issue. I’m not looking to create conflict, I just want to make sure we have the right support in place to keep things moving.”
2. When a colleague is consistently dropping the ball on shared projects
Say this: “I’ve noticed a pattern I want to share with you. Over the past [timeframe], [colleague] has missed [specific deliverables or deadlines] on [project names]. I’ve tried to address it directly by [what you did], but it hasn’t improved. I wanted to loop you in because it’s starting to affect the team’s output and I don’t think I should keep absorbing the slack alone.”
3. When a colleague’s attitude or behavior is creating a toxic dynamic
This is a harder one to bring to HR because it can feel subjective. Stick to behaviors and their impact, not character assessments.
Say this: “I want to raise something that’s been affecting the team dynamic and honestly my own experience at work. In [specific situations], [colleague] has [specific behavior: talked over people in meetings, undermined decisions publicly, responded dismissively to feedback, etc.]. I’ve observed this happen with other colleagues too, not just myself. I’m not here to make it personal, but the behavior is creating an environment that’s hard to work in and I think it warrants attention.”
4. When they made the mess and you’re taking the heat for it
This one requires you to be especially calm and factual because the instinct is to go in hot. Don’t. Let the documentation do the work.
Say this: “I want to bring something to your attention because I’m concerned about how a recent situation has been characterized. On [date], [specific thing happened]. I want to make sure there’s an accurate record of what occurred and who was responsible for which parts of it, because the current understanding doesn’t reflect what actually happened. I can walk you through the timeline in detail.”
5. When you’re constantly cleaning up their mistakes
Say this: “I want to flag an ongoing pattern that’s been adding significant time and stress to my workload. I’ve found myself regularly having to go back and correct or redo work that [colleague] has turned in, including [specific examples]. I’ve tried to address it by [what you did], but it keeps happening. I’m raising this because it’s affecting my own capacity and I don’t think it’s a sustainable dynamic for me or the team.”
6. When no one wants to work with them and collaboration keeps stalling
Say this: “I want to raise something that I think is affecting team productivity more broadly. There’s a pattern I’ve noticed where collaboration on projects involving [colleague] tends to stall or break down. I’ve heard similar feedback from others, and I’ve experienced it myself. The issue seems to be [specific behavior: dismissiveness, creating tension in group settings, making people feel unsafe speaking up, etc.]. I’m raising it because it’s becoming a structural problem, not just an interpersonal one, and I think it warrants attention at a team level.”
7. When they can’t self-regulate and everyone else becomes the bottleneck buffer
Say this: “I want to share something I’ve been observing that I think is worth addressing. When [colleague] is faced with competing priorities or high-pressure situations, the response has consistently been [specific behavior: shutting down, escalating stress to others, missing deadlines across multiple workstreams, requiring significant hand-holding, etc.]. As a result, the team ends up absorbing a disproportionate amount of the load to compensate. I’m not raising this to be critical of them personally, but the pattern is affecting how the whole team functions and I wanted to make sure you had visibility into it.”
How to close every HR conversation
However you open the conversation, end it the same way every time.
Say this: “I appreciate you taking the time to hear this. Can you help me understand what happens next and what, if anything, I should expect in terms of follow-up? I’d also like to know how my name will be handled in this process.”
Asking about confidentiality directly is the smart move, and you’re entitled to the answer.
A few things to keep in mind
Presenting the truth in a way that’s easy to act on is the whole skill, and it doesn’t require softening anything.
The behavior you’re reporting is the problem. Advocating for a workplace that functions is you doing your job.
Someone on your team knew the deadline was unrealistic three weeks ago. They said nothing, and now it’s your problem.
When people stop raising concerns, decisions get worse and get made later, with less information in the room.
Traliant’s Psychological Safety at Work course runs 20 minutes and teaches through real workplace scenarios: how to give and receive feedback, float a half-formed idea, and raise a concern without political cost.
Twenty companion Micro Reels reinforce it across the year. Built-in analytics show HR how attitudes are actually shifting.
“My biggest challenge is trying to make my ADHD brain do the executive function part of managing everything in my overscoped, underpaid role.” — Jaimee D. (Director of Marketing)
You’re being asked to do too much, with too little support, while managing a brain that requires more intentional systems than most. That’s an unsustainable situation, and it deserves more than a productivity hack. Here’s where to start.
Check in with your support team first
Before you optimize anything, make sure your foundation is solid. If you have a therapist, psychiatrist, or both, loop them in on what’s changed at work.
An overscoped role creates a different kind of cognitive load than your baseline, and your treatment plan, including medication if that’s part of your care, may need adjusting to reflect where you are right now.
You can’t build better systems on top of a depleted nervous system. Get the support calibrated first.
Find the fun wherever you can
ADHD brains run on dopamine, which means tasks that feel boring or pointless are genuinely harder to start than they are for neurotypical brains. The wiring makes it harder, full stop, and no amount of willpower changes that.
So find the fun. Pair tedious work with a playlist that gets you going. Gamify your to-do list. Work from a coffee shop on the days you need a change of scenery.
Give yourself a small reward after something you’ve been avoiding. The goal is to give your brain the stimulation it needs to actually do the thing.
Eat the frog
Brian Tracy’s framework from Eat That Frog is especially useful for ADHD brains: do the most dreaded task first, before anything else. Once the worst thing is done, everything else feels lighter. Spending all morning avoiding it while it looms in the background drains far more energy than doing it would.
Identify your frog the night before. First thing in the morning, do that one thing.
Get organized and let AI carry the load
Build a system that works for your brain.
For most TA readers that means the tools already open on the work laptop: Outlook categories and rules, a Copilot-summarized daily brief, time blocking on the calendar you already live in.
If you’d rather build outside the Microsoft stack, Notion and ClickUp both work well.
Then layer in AI wherever you can. AI tools can turn a chaotic voice-to-text brain dump into a structured day, draft communications you’ve been avoiding, summarize long documents, and automate repetitive tasks that eat your time and attention.
The less mental overhead you carry, the more bandwidth you have for the work that actually needs you.
Have the hard conversation with your boss
Overscoped and underpaid is a structural problem that needs a structural solution, and your manager needs to hear it directly.
Go to them with specific examples of what’s on your plate and what it’s costing the team. Come prepared with options: a prioritization framework, a request for support, a plan to sunset lower-priority work.
Frame it as a sustainability conversation. Most reasonable managers would rather adjust the scope than lose a director.
And if the conversation goes nowhere, start making your plan. A role with no end in sight and no willingness to address the overload is a pattern worth leaving. You are allowed to go find something better.
You were not hired to run on empty. An ADHD brain that’s well-supported, well-organized, and working within a reasonable scope is one of the most creative, dynamic, and effective brains in any room. Build toward that.
The benefits question lands at 2pm. The payroll question at 2:15. None of it is your actual job, and your actual job is what gets pushed.
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