“I’m having difficult conversations with employees who are not putting in the hours to get their job done.” — Carrie C.
The conversation you keep rehearsing in your head is almost always harder in your head than it is in the room. The longer you wait, the more weight it accumulates. So let’s get you in the room.
Open with the observation, not the judgment
The biggest mistake managers make going into a performance conversation is leading with their conclusion instead of their evidence. The moment someone feels accused, they get defensive, and the conversation stops being productive.
Start with what you have observed, specifically and neutrally:
“I want to talk about something I’ve been noticing. Over the last few weeks, I’ve seen [specific pattern — deliverables coming in late, availability during core hours, output dropping]. I want to understand what’s going on from your side before we figure out next steps together.”
That’s it. One observation, one invitation. That opens a door, which is the entire job of the first three minutes.
Separate the performance gap from the person
Before you assume disengagement, remind yourself that you don’t yet know the cause. Underperformance shows up for a lot of reasons — a personal crisis, unclear expectations, a skills gap, burnout, or yes, sometimes a motivation problem. The conversation will go very differently depending on which one it is.
Your job in the first conversation is to find out. Ask directly:
“Is there something going on that’s making it hard to show up at full capacity right now? I’d rather know so we can figure out what support looks like.”
Some people will tell you immediately. Others won’t. Either way, you’ve signaled that you’re a manager who leads with curiosity before consequences, which makes the next conversation easier if you need to have one.
Be clear about what needs to change and by when
Empathy without clarity isn’t kindness. After you’ve listened, name the expectation plainly:
“Here’s what I need to see: [specific behavior or output], by [specific date or timeframe]. That’s what success looks like in this role right now.”
No softening or burying it in qualifiers. Clear is kind, and vague is what breeds resentment on both sides three months from now.
Close with a check-in date, not a warning
Put the next check-in on the calendar before either of you leaves the room. A specific date turns this into an accountability structure you both agreed to, and it tells them you are invested in seeing them get there.
“Let’s check back in on [specific date] and see where things stand. I’m rooting for you to get there.”
If you’re not a manager, this still applies
Sharing a project with a peer whose piece keeps slipping? Same framework. Swap “as your manager” for “as someone who shares this deadline with you,” and the conversation stays on the work itself. Lead with the observation, ask what’s going on, name what you need, set a check-in.
The conversation is uncomfortable for about ten minutes. The alternative is uncomfortable for months.